Blaming yourself for a failed relationship after divorce

Stop Blaming Yourself For A Breakup | Nancy Nichols

But whatever you do, just know, moving past a relationship that has ended Without self-love, finding true love in a relationship is difficult,” divorce and “ Blaming yourself doesn't change the outcome," dating expert and “It is important to understand that relationships don't fail, they run their course. I was ashamed to tell my friends and family about my third divorce. As a professional I blamed myself and I worked harder to save my marriage. Trying to be a. It is easy to feel like a failure after divorce, but those negative emotions can some of the problems you had in your previous relationship with your former partner. and start blaming yourself, many other things that you may have done wrong.

Blaming someone else for your misery keeps you from ever being happy.

Blame Free Breaking Up | HuffPost Life

You have given control of your happiness to someone else. Blame creates a win-lose, right-wrong paradigm. Someone has to "win" the breakup. The winner is redeemed and feels right, the loser is at fault and wrong. Divorces are traumatic enough.

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They are among the most traumatic form of change most people will experience. When you introduce failure and the concept that there must be a winner and a loser, neither side will ever feel like they "won" anything.

Children will also inevitably be caught in the middle of a heated battle. The time you are devoting to your righteous anger about who caused the most damage or who did the most or the least to save the relationship, leaves you little room or capacity to deal with each other and more importantly yourself in a way that creates the least pain after the relationship is over. People stuck in blame have lower levels of happiness, more psychological distress, poorer self-concepts, and feel more alone.

The Amount of Happiness You Feel Depends on the Amount of Freedom You Have in Your Heart Endings are opportunities for new beginnings and yet when you have loved deeply, it's hard to let go of the attachment to the bond you once felt for each other or the secret hope for reconciliation.

Sometimes staying caught up in the dramas of the past, keeps you from dealing with your deeper fears about finding new love, getting hurt in relationship and truly being alone.


New life, happiness, and freedom comes when you learn to love yourself and build a safe, loving, nurturing home inside yourself to live in. Instead of spending your valuable energy wallowing in the black goo of judgment and blame, start focusing on the following: You are the one responsible for how you feel, think and behave. To reverse the self damage, actively engage in radical self acceptance -- accept yourself unconditionally, warts and all.

Don't expect to be perfect. Perfectionism sets you up for self-disappointment -- an insidious form of self abandonment. Stop looking to other people, including your ex, to validate your worth. You must do that yourself, especially at this painful time of heartbreak when the person you seek validation from has disposed of you.

How To Admit Your Role In A Failed Relationship (Without Blaming Yourself) - mindbodygreen

No one is responsible to make you secure, but YOU. Accept that now is the time to institute self love. Don't expect this to happen buy osmosis. Vow to stop laying your needs for love and acceptance at your lover's feet, and take percent responsibility to give yourself the love and esteem that you need that's why they're called self love and self esteem. Take advantage of this time of heightened insecurity to learn how to give yourself security.

Realize that it's nobody else's job - especially now that your lover has abdicated this role in your life. Only you can do this. To promote emotional self-reliance and comprehensive healing, implement the tools of abandonment recovery. They will help you take self loving actions that build toward an empowering new relationship with yourself. Use the program tools to aim your emotional suction cups toward your own core needs to create a deep internal connection.

How to Survive a Breakup: 12 Ways to Stop Blaming Yourself and Gain From It

This heightened attunement promotes profound personal change. As you learn how to give yourself security and love, feel the satisfaction of finding your own two feet. Stand tall on them. Validate your own separate functioning. You can survive on your own. Write your ex a thank you note for motivating you to develop self assurance and unconditional self love. Congratulate yourself for becoming emotionally self-reliant.