How to Cope With a Controlling Person: 14 Steps (with Pictures)
Your toxic relationship might be controlling, dramatic, anxiety-inducing, lonely, or fill you with self-doubt. You may walk on eggshells in. If your loved one seems to be in a controlling relationship, you can help by staying You may get so frustrated that you want to walk away. Here are five signs that you need to walk away from your relationship. of these questions, it's a clear signal you are in a manipulative, controlling relationship.
In a bid, to save your relationship, you try harder and do everything you can to make them happy. But, they are never happy because everything you do is either wrong or insufficient. You pine for their approval as you watch them walk out of the door with a devil-may-care attitude. By this point, you are convinced it's all your fault even though there may be no mistake that you really committed. They lured you with promises of love, care and togetherness, but all seems to only be a beautiful dream in a full moon night.
You are waiting for it and if you complain, you are told that it is your mistake because your actions were so inadequate it made them angry and they won't give it to you now, may be later. The Excuses Did you ever feel that your partner has been acting selfish and putting themselves above you and your relationship. You see no emotions except that of anger or affection. They love you when they want to. You cannot ask for anything because you might just piss them off.
You made plans with your girls and when he found it out, he acted so cold that it did not seem like he was actually okay. So you feel guilty yet again, and cancel your plans only to be treated like some side-dish when he hangs out with his friends. On the other hand, she calls you when she needs you. You give her all your support. The minute you need her, she is suddenly too busy and disappears. Worse, she calls you needy and emotionally desperate.
It hurts because you never thought it was an issue to fall back for support on each other. You need to stop making excuses for your partner's behavior and attitude towards you. You are only justifying their bad behavior towards you and at the same time, giving false hopes to yourself. When you recognize these signs of a controlling relationship and truly know it yourself, in your heart, that this a controlling and manipulative relationship after all, it's time to pull the plug on the relationship.
But if you thought it was love, making it difficult for you to break up, don't bluff yourself. It would have made your relationship a lot more satisfying, if it were true.
How You Can Help Someone in a Controlling Relationship
But, sometimes, even though you may be truly, madly and deeply in love, it is just not worth carrying emotional scars around. Reality bites but it is better to heal the pain than to suffer when you are absolutely emotionally handicapped. It is perhaps our need to have love, especially from someone who seems out of reach.
You cannot see it because it doesn't matter when you are in love. But, doesn't it matter when who you fall in love with doesn't give you just as much love? Wouldn't you like them to be a 9 on the scale of love? It is often said that when you love someone, do not expect anything and do not ask for anything. I always thought that I would be shallow to leave him just because he does not match up to my good looks, doesn't have a savvy career when I dreamed of a life that I wanted with a family or may lack innumerably in so many other aspects of life.
I stayed because I believed he was a good human being who had been done wrong to. If you are in the same boat, I will give you my hand and pull you out.
Don't fall for the illusion. A good person cares for everyone, especially someone so important. When Should You Put an End to Your Controlling Relationship Most controlling and manipulative relationships have a tendency to get physically or verbally abusive at some point.
If you are in a relationship like that, get out of it as soon as you can. It may not really be love holding you back, but the habit of having your partner around and the fear of independence from being a whole person all by yourself.
When You’re Strong Enough To Walk Away From Your Toxic Relationship
You get used to it and build a comfort zone so you are unwilling to imagine someone else in that place. It is, in all honesty, your inability to accept your own self. But most of all, if you have to find out the answer, there is no better way to know the truth than to ask your own heart.
A partner who is not controlling or manipulative will be comfortable in sharing space with you, will not be secretive, obsessive or won't disrespect you all the time. A relationship is the ultimate culmination of your love in its acceptance and acknowledgment. It means that you shall be together and share all your sorrows and happiness.
It definitely does not mean that I will use you for all my needs and never care about yours. It is never easy. It's a simple step-by-step plan to end a controlling or manipulative relationship that only needs your strength, will-power and some self-esteem. Before you even hint at separating, you need to accept the breakup yourself, in your heart.
If you are not ready for it, you won't be able to break up permanently and will fall deeper in to that trap. Gather all your self-esteem and realize your self-worth.
Picture yourself from the time when you were single and had not met your partner. You were so happy, vibrant and stress free. You sure may have had great times with your partner but the bad times are far too many and too difficult to handle. Open up yourself to the possibility of having someone else love you more and treat you the way you deserve to be.
You need to accept that you are not happy even though you have given it enough of your time and efforts to work out. However, there are some things you can do: Over time, if you are close enough and you are sure your conversation is not being monitored, describe what makes you concerned.
Ask what you can do to help, but do not take over. Do not commit to more than you can actually take on. Some parts of the story may feel too shameful to share until months or years have gone by. If it feels comfortable, gently share your impressions. Be careful about the advice you give. For example, many well-meaning people tell their friends to obtain a restraining order.
For some victims, this is highly dangerous and leads to increased violence. Most coercive control relationships involve a man dominating a woman. That was another failed attempt at avoiding heartache.
If you work through the pain, instead of trying to avoid it, you limit the chances of your feelings coming back to haunt you later on. Use Crying As a Cure The best thing you can do for yourself is to release the pain. The more I tried to hold in my pain and be strong, the worse I felt, and I eventually stressed myself out.
So what did I do? I cried over and over again, and then I cried some more. Yup, you heard me right. I cried like a baby! I stopped pretending everything was okay.
It lasted a few weeks, but I felt like a new person when it was over. The tight feeling in my chest was no longer there. I started smiling again.
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love
I started noticing the sun shining and the beautiful clouds in the sky. I was no longer in that dark place. I felt brand new. Instead of trying to be strong, crying can help with the healing process.
Often, the best cure for pain is time. By resting your heart, mind and soul, you give yourself a chance to heal. This is also the best time to get to know you. For me, it was baking. And I appreciated that. Eventually, I began focusing more on myself, and less on my situation.
If you allow it, each day will become a little easier. Taking back control begins with you. Everyone needs help at one time or another. Seeking help from your loved ones, a professional or even a clergy member, can help you get back on your feet.