Abbiejean Kane-Archer | Archer Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia
Lana: Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abigene. Episode: Archer Season 5 Episode "Archer Vice: Arrival/Departure". The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season Archer Vice. Archer Vice: A Kiss While Dying  .. I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abbiejean. Meet Mal Archer. Daughter to Malory Archer of ISIS, sister to Sterling "Duchess" Archer, also of ISIS. She's never been fond of the work her mother and brother.
Because a violin would probably dissolve in the same big drum of acid they dissolved that guy in. But if all Moto wants is his drugs Then he can give us a refund.
Of worthless counterfeit money? It's not exactly worthless. The right buyer would probably pay about 15 cents on the dollar for it. Why didn't you say that?! Uh, I don't know. I assumed you knew. Duh, look at my house.
I bet I got rugs worth a Be more gross and Chinese-y! Archer plays the Price Is Right losing horn on his phone] Archer: Been waiting forever to use that. Okay, listen up, there are way too many windows and doors to cover, so we need to concentrate on chokepoints. What do you mean, "noop"? Woman, I am not getting in a shootout with the goddamn Yakuza because you people decided to steal their drugs! Well, I support you in your work! Not that you ever do any, but If you were honest with yourself, you would realize I have been incredibly supportive of you!
Get arrested for treason, I stand by you; become a drug dealer, I stand by you. And you don't seem to mind driving around in a new Cadillac, do you? Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia, and Burma. Next time, remind me to get shot in the head. Ron, next time, get shot in the head.
What are you eating? Well, can't unhear that. Why have I never tried yogurt? How have you never tried yogurt?
Mmm, I didn't know it was that good. It's good because it's cocaine! Oh, my God, and little kids eat it? How do you not know the different kinds of porn? Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock. Southbound and Down [5.
Even a goddamn baby knows, in craps you never bet on the hard way! Give you three guesses, Pam! Cyril, shut your pout-hole, accept that Lana was so far out of your league that impregnating her would've basically been interspecies breeding, and get on with your life!
Nothing can make up for almost killing me over a briefcase of what I can only assume is either plutonium or a human soul! Do you know what that is? Or even what chords are? So during the boring parts, just scream "Outlaw Country". It's time to gather some intel.
Archer Vice: Arrival/Departure
No, do not compare what we do now to intelligence work. Don't worry, I won't. Because selling cocaine to cocaine dealers doesn't really compare to helping overthrow democratically elected governments. Because, spoiler alert, those didn't really work out so great! But that's OK, because I'm pinning my hopes for the future on the next big shipment of Stinger missiles to that ragtag bunch of mujaheddin heroes in Afghanistan!
The Rules of Extraction [5. What do crocodiles eat? And fear is their bacon bits! Why are you so afraid of crocodiles? Gee, I don't know, Cyril.Archer - Comic-Con 2015: Panel Intro - FX
Maybe, deep down, I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T Extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years because it's the perfect killing machine: And now we're surrounded, those snake eyes are watching from the shadows waiting for the night Goddammit, how are we not doing "phrasing"?!
On the Carpet [5. Lana, in case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels. And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach and cruise the strip in the bed of their Monster truck with a big rebel flag on it, flinging empty longnecks at people!
Yeah, those aren't actually the good kind either. Those exact same guys you just described. Despite having a great disdain for Archer, Lana shares the closest connection with him of all the characters. They're frequently partnered together on missions, and despite all the stuff he put her through, she still considers him a friend Heart of Archness: However, it is obvious to any Archer addict that Archer and Lana care for each other deeply. During a firefight, both Archer and Lana reveal they are each other's beneficiaries should they die.
Lana stated she was going to change that, but it's unknown if she did Skorpio. Lana showed great concern for Archer when he was diagnosed with breast cancer Stage Two and spent the night with him out of pity he originally believed they had sex, but they did not. After Archer found out his cancer medication was fake, Lana begrudgingly accompanied him in his "rampage," serving as his cameraman and chauffeuse Placebo Effect.
When Archer's car gets stolen, Lana, along with Cyril Figgis and Pam Pooveyaids him in getting it back from the Yakuzawhom they believed to have been the thieves. After a chase, it's revealed that Malory stole the car to teach Sterling a lesson about taking care of his things, similar to her taking his bike as a child. But, it turns out she never gave the bike back, rendering the lesson pointless and Lana shocked Drift Problem.
Archer and Lana help Malory dispose of the body of the Italian prime minister after she called them. Despite constantly disagreeing, they initially agreed that making it look like self-defense was her best option. They instead partake in a dinner party charade when an NYPD detective comes to look around.
After the detective has left, Lana makes Archer realise that Malory's story is a lie and that Malory had killed the prime minister. Archer is shocked but still finds himself craving Italian food. He invites Lana out for a slice Lo Scandalo.
Lana began contemplating on having a baby in Season 4. After Archer saves her from falling to her death when she slips off a building, she decides to ask him to be the sperm donor, but she changes her mind once he begins acting like his typical self The Honeymooners. During a mission to stop a radical environmentalist marine biologist from blowing up Sealab, Lana discloses that she is pregnant, angering Cyril because he isn't the father and prompting Archer to sacrifice his scuba gear and drown so that they could escape.
He tells her he loves her before he passes out, and she replies "I know. Lana has a vulnerable moment and hugs Archer for comfort in House Call. Archer reads extensively on the complications of pregnancy, showing that he is concerned for her. As Agent Holly sweeps the mansion for illegal activity, Lana contemplates going into Witness Protection, but Archer reveals that once the baby is born it will be taken away, causing her to start crying.
He tells her to run, but she tells him she can't leave him, hugging him House Call. Archer goes to great lengths to get Kenny Loggins to perform at Lana's baby shower, but in the end, she reveals that she isn't really familiar with him.
Woodhouse then covers for Archer and presents her with Archer's old crib, making it look as if it were his idea. Lana starts crying and states that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her Baby Shower. She's initially enraged with Archer when Holly says that Archer knew all about the scheme.
Archer denies knowing and attempts to act as a doula before Malory arrives and ejects him from the room. Lana gives birth to a daughter named Abbiejean Kane-Archer.
Archer (season 5) - Wikiquote
Following Archer's initial joy at being a father, his feelings quickly turn to fear, resulting in him yet again running away from home, and going on a bender of cobra venom and lady-boys hookers.
Although Archer returned home eventually, Lana was not pleased with how quickly he ran away from his responsibility as a father, stating that if Archer wished to be part of their daughter's life, ground rules would need to be placed.
Archer reminded her that such rules would eventually be broken by him, making it pointless The Holdout. Archer showed great concern for their daughter's future, when he began to question what would happen to Abbiejean Kane-Archer should they both die while on a mission and suggested Malory Archer and Woodhouse.
Oddly, Lana actively tried to avoid the conversation, though she made it clear that his choices were not acceptable.