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You're gay, you want to find a partner and eventually a husband, but somehow you just can't seem to meet the right guy or make the right connection. Where it's legal, same sex couples are getting married in droves, and some gay weddings. Dating is difficult in general, but gay dating is even harder. Thus it's beyond difficult to meet someone we're attracted to in every . We don't have a lot of the commitments locking us in to relationships like straight couples do. that love them to meet one another without worrying about expectations “It is still dangerously alienating to go through life as lesbian, gay.
I wondered if the man walking the dog would make a special effort to walk by our house again in the near future.
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If he'd cross the street next time and walk on the sidewalk directly in front of our house. If he'd linger nearby, waiting for us to leave the house, finding an excuse to run into us and to talk with us. After all, plenty of straight people in the neighborhood have talked to us since we've arrived.
It seems to be the thing people do here. Perhaps gay people would do it as easily as straight people would, with none of the hang-ups of encounters on big city streets, the flirting, interested one minute and not interested the next, lots of eye contact--but not a word spoken. I also wondered if Chris and I made an effort to frequent the neighborhood coffee shop, easy walking distance from the house, we might see the gay man there, dog in hand, eager to introduce himself, to talk about himself and his partner, and how conveniently close they live to us.
The weather's taken a turn for the worse this past week, and Chris is still trying to get used to his new work routine--rising early and going to bed early, so he can get to and from work--so we haven't had the opportunity to be social butterflies in the neighborhood.
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But I suppose the opportunity to meet other gay people is always there, and, if it's meant to be, we might just find ourselves face to face with another gay male couple, who will make our transition to the neighborhood a little easier, and who will help us feel more like we belong. The other day, I saw a lesbian couple walk their dog on the same side of the street as the man previously. One of them was unmistakably masculine, in a way that even I'm not, while the other appeared more feminine.
I have to assume they're from the neighborhood, too. We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life.
These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats.
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Every where we turn, it almost feels like we have everything telling us not to commit. We are afraid of commitment. Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating.
It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right?
We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. Jealousy plagues our community. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough.
From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason.
Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster.
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While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone.
Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that all the good ones are either taken, straight, or live far away.
The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex. We need to stop using every excuse in the book, and start working on ourselves because we aren't perfect either. We need to stop looking past the amazing men that are right in front of our faces, and start understanding that the sex part of a relationship will evolve. In the end, we'll ultimately be looking for a best friend, a companion to build a full life with, and maybe one day move away from all the craziness with.Our MORNING ROUTINE As A COUPLE! (Gay Couple Edition)
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