Jack Byrnes from Meet the Parents | CharacTour
Meet the Parents Jack Byrnes. Jack Byrnes quotes. View Quote. Trust me, Greg , when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for. Release Date: December 22, The test of wills between Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro) and Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) escalates to new. Meet the parents / Meet the fockers - Circle of trust compilation Couldn't find one so I made one, enjoy!.
Just follow my lead. Without further ado, my famous Focker Fondue. Come on, dig in. Get it while it's hot. That is so impressive, Bernie. Did you do that yourself? I love to cook. I can't even fry an egg. I'm amazed he finds the time to cook with such a high-powered legal career.
I wouldn't exactly call-- Uh-oh! Why did you kick me? I kick-- kicked you because you're being modest and you should tell people that you are a good lawyer, which he is, a- a-and he has fought some really big, important legal battles. Truth is, Jack, when Gay was born, I stopped practicing and became a stay-at-home dad. Oh, believe me, he won a trial or two in his day. Extremely good trial lawyer. A regular Clarence Darrow. So Roz was the primary breadwinner and you didn't have a job?
Honey, come on, you could say he had the hardest job. Oh, he's-- he's just kidding. Why don't we jump into the topic of the hour, hmm, the big Focker-Byrnes wedding. I know we've been talking about a-- a fall wedding Our former housekeeper, Isabel.
You know, she has her own catering business now, isn't that great? And-- and I asked her to come and help Bernie in the kitchen this weekend.
You didn't tell me she was here. Gay had a monster crush on her when he was a teenager. I didn't have any monster crush. You didn't tell me about that. Because it's not true. Then I didn't catch you doing baziga to her passport photo when you were, what,? I walk in the door Oh, there's my baby! I-- I haven't seen you in years. I had a boob job. This is, uh, Dina and Jack Byrnes. Nice to meet you, too. Not yet married, and already a little one? And he is a handsome little Focker. He's not a Focker.
And still you stayed to raise her child? No, he's Pam's nephew. He has no connection to Greg whatsoever. I love you, too. Those aren't for you. I think I'll take him inside. You're a very lucky woman, Pam. He's very special, this one. I think so, too. Oh, I could tell you some stories about him. Oh, she's just being silly. Nice to meet you all.
Nice to meet you. Hey, do you guys want some more, uh, wine? Mas vino por la mama, si. Hey, you did good, Greg. She's very pretty, this one, huh? Yeah, she's, uh, she's really great.
Can you believe it's been years? So many wonderful memories from those days. Yes, lot of wonderful, kind of private memories. Um, no, I don't think I did. I don't, I think, I don't think it ever came up on my end. Not that I didn't want her to know. It just, never really Yeah, and not that, I-- I mean, not that it wasn't great.
It was really, you know, for me it was like And you were so helpful and-- and-- Don't you worry, baby. Your secret's safe with me. But, good, yeah, maybe if we keep it quiet this weekend and then Because, yeah, I don't want Pam to feel uncomfortable. And then later, when it's the proper, you know, setting, I can Okay, yeah, okay, good.
Oh, and fondue, fondue is going-- is goin' over. Gay, you're just in time to hear me tell the gang how you lost your virginity to Isabel. You s-slept with Isabel? Why-- why would you, why-- why would you bring that up?
It was, what, years ago. Honey, your father thought that it'd be fun to share stories about our first time. That sounds like fun. Come on, tell us how you popped your cherry. I really don't feel comfortable discussing that with you, Bernard. I suggest that we get back to talking about the wedding. Mom, didn't you just take Little Jack back to the room?
I'm monitoring him from a high-powered multidirectional microphone planted in his crib. Whatever happened to a little thing called privacy?
Bernie, surveillance technology has helped protect a lot of the freedoms that we as Americans take advantage of today. It has been good. S- son, that is bullcrap in a chef's salad. The Central Lack of Intelligence Agency. I think that baby might need a couple of pulls on that knocker of yours, Jack.
You let him cry it out. This way he doesn't depend on coddling. On the other hand, the Continuum Concept shows that a baby benefits more from constant physical contact. We use the Ferber Method. We used the Focker Method.
We hugged and kissed that little prince like there was no tomorrow. Greggy practically slept in our bed till he was. Oh, I don't think it was quite that long. Mom, I don't think so. I didn't sleep in their bed all that time. Bernie, get the photo album. I'm one step ahead of you. No, no, no, we're eating dinner, come on. These are the curls from his first trip to the barbershop. Nobody wants to see this. Oh, and you kept all of his baby teeth.
Look at his darling little teeth, isn't that sweet? Uh-oh, somebody looks very grumpy there. Oh, that's Gay with the mohel. He's the man who snips the baby's little winkydink. See, that's Greg getting circumcised, right here. We had the ceremony at my parents' house but there was a cold snap and The heater conked out. No matter how hard he tried, the mohel couldn't coax Greg's tiny little turtle from its shell.
Let's not talk about the tiny turtle, okay? Honey, half the people at this table have penises. Make a long story short, Jack, he wound up with a semicirc. I can't wait to hear this. It's a cross between an ant eater and-- A German Army helmet. You wanted to talk about the wedding, right? Don't tell me you kept his umbilical cord. Of course not, that's Greg's foreskin. All right, you know what? That's-- that's enough humiliation. No, I'm not having fun. Why deny us our memories? Anyone in the mood for Chinese?
You told me your first time was with the Danish transfer student in high school. Yeah, well, you weren't exactly forthcoming about your engagement with Kevin. Yeah, well, he wasn't my babysitter. Okay, I should have told you, all right. Can we just let it go, please? We both got enough stuff to deal with this weekend. How do you mean? I know that you are studying my family like the frozen caveman.
So, I just, I don't want you to be worried, okay? I mean, they're a little quirky, but they-they're well-intentioned and-- and I think they're just nervous and Greg, I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. I thought you ordered room service. Are you sure you don't want any whipped cream with your sundae?
I'm Chad, the bellhop. Oh, no, come on, we did that last week. Can't you be Sam the carpet-cleaning man? Why would a carpet cleaner have whipped cream? I'm here to clean your carpet. Do you mind if I put some foam down on your rug? I don't mind at all. Okay, sleep well, Jack. How long-- how long have you worked in this hotel? It's time to put some snow on your mountains.
Come on, I'm gonna get some whipped cream on those Tetons. Come back in the morning, tootsie roll. Gay, you see the cowboy hat on the door?
Cowboy hat is off the door! No cowboy hat this weekend! Just stop doing what you're doing! Come on, man, you know what that cowboy hat on the door means. Will you please help me out here? We're just being ourselves. I think he's saying not to be ourselves. Yes, be yourselves but be yourself in a way that's a little less than being your full selves, okay. I don't understand this.
Little Fockers (2010) Movie Script
I mean, why you're so afraid of this Jack? You've been kissing his ass ever since you got here. Mom, I'm not afraid of him, okay. I can't believe you went duck-hunting with him. Our people don't shoot ducks.
Just make Jack feel a little more comfortable here, okay? So you don't want us to be ourselves? No, I just don't want you to break his RV, Dad, and-- and-- and reveal that I had sex with Isabel and play weird sex games that everybody can hear in the house. If you ask me, it wouldn't be so bad if your future in-laws heard this. Do me a favour. Just don't therapize the Byrneses this weekend at all, okay? All I'm saying is, a few minutes of concentrated work with him and Dina, she could get him to blow like Krakatoa.
Right, okay, yeah, you know what? One day, just give me one day, okay, without any complications. We get through it, everybody goes off, we go on with our lives. Can we do that? You got it, dude. Hon, put the hat back on the door, okay? No cowboy hat this weekend. Okay, but tonight doesn't count. I slept all right, thank you. It's nice, all of us being here together, don't you think? Bernard, do you mind if I have some privacy?
Bernie, this fritatta is wonderful. Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it. Hey, guys, can I have everybody's attention, please? Gay, be back in a second. Mom, I know we've been-- we've been talking about having the, uh, wedding in October, but Pam and I have been doing a little thinkin' and playing around with some ideas and, uh, we're thinking of moving it up to June. That's-- that's in a month. I always wanted a spring wedding, you know.
Well, that's great, so we can announce it at the party tonight. Oh, your father and I are throwing a little engagement soiree for you two lovebirds. I thought we were just having a nice quiet dinner. It was supposed to be a surprise. The phone keeps ringing, the list keeps growing. Yeah, now, it's up to Fockers. When were you going to tell us about this? What could be better? Dad, what are you doing? We never play football. I'm trying to cement relationships here.
Jack said he was into footy ball. Let's show EI Stiffo how we play the game. Come on, come on, let's play! I'm feeling a little tired. I think I'll sit it out with Little Jack, okay? Honey, you want me to keep you company? No, Dina, come on, you and I will take on Jack and Roz. Come on, Jack, it'll be fun, we'll swap wives.
Don't worry, you'll get her back after the game. Fine, we'll play three on two. But someone needs to be official quarterback. Gay goes both ways. I'll bet he does. I'll run a down-and-in, draw in the defence, then you'll hit Roz here in the end zone for a TD.
What do you mean? He hits me where with a what? I'll throw you the ball, you try to catch it, okay. You want me to catch? Hut one, hut two, hike! Come on, this way! That way, that way, that way. You remember that time in the park?
Guys, come on, come on, cut it out. I'm so proud of you. I caught the ball. I caught the ball! Come on, huddle up. Dina, come on, let's go. You want a spritzer? All right, come on. Dad, you got to focus, all right? He's beating you down the field every time. You want me to be macho-wacho? Have I ever said the words macho-wacho to you in my life? I won't disappoint you. Okay, let's try again, I'm gonna run a stop and go.
Fake the short pass, then hit me here in the end zone with a Hail Mary. Yeah, we keep running that play. You want to mix it up a little? I've exposed Bernie's weakness and I want to take advantage of it. Just you and me, Jack. You think you can take me, Flowerman? I'm pretty sure I can, Mr. You're going down, Bernsie-boy. I'm going to rearrange your bouquet. Sell the pump fake, Greg, 'cause that Focker's gonna bite. Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four.
Are you all right? Hey, Jack, you okay? I'm fine, Greg, thank you. I see that kind of injury all the time at the hospital. I wish you'd let me give you a quick exam. No, I'm, I'm fine. I told you I'll have my doctor look at it when I get home. You know, it's amazing how your father anticipated the pump fake like that.
It's almost like he knew it was coming. Well, he definitely takes competition seriously. How a man handles himself on the football field says a lot about his character. Know what I mean? We got him, didn't we, dude, huh? No, Dad, he wasn't. That was a really hard shot. You could've hurt him. I just wanted it to be a fun game but you wanted to win, so, you know, you got me all steamed up.
No, I asked you to play a little defence, I didn't ask you to turn it into a blood sport. I play too easy. I play too hard. What are you really asking me to do, Gaylord? I'm not asking anything of you, Dad. Just-- just go down there and apologize to him, okay? He thinks it was a cheap shot. I can't win with this kid.
So, how far along is Pam? Come on, honey, I knew it the minute I saw her. Her boobs are bigger. No wine at dinner, no football.
She just found out yesterday. My bubeleh's going to have a baby!
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My bubeleh's going to be a father! Tell me, talk to me, so this is so exciting. You didn't tell Dad, did you? No, no, Mom, you can't tell him. Because he can't keep a secret. You think Jack knows? That guy's in such denial, he still thinks his daughter is still a virgin. Yeah, I know, he's very old-fashioned. That's why Pam can't tell him till after the wedding.
Mom, it isn't, believe me. You don't know him like I do. My lips are sealed. I am so excited and thrilled for you. So happy for you two! Did you plan this? Uh, no, it just sort of happened. How did it happen? You know-- you know how it happens. I mean, I'm not going into the details. Honey, I love details. Well, you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo and the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious but very powerful level.
Mom, I am truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been saying it since I was. What say you and me go into town? I got a guy who can fix your RV. I'm in far too much physical agony, Bernie. Gee, I'm sorry, but it'll be good for you, you know, to, you know, to get out and about.
I can take the girls shopping in Coconut Grove. Little Jack is on a very specific napping schedule. I better stay here. The filmmakers were asked if they had made up the name or if they can prove that such a name exists.
The aspect ratio is 1. English language audio tracks available with the film are a 5. Additionally, English language subtitles are provided as well. The director discusses issues that include working with the cast, utilizing the best camera angles for comedic effect, discussing scenes that were improvised and scenes that were scripted, and commenting on issues surrounding shooting on location.
The editor speaks about putting together the best functioning comedy from material that was filmed and discusses some deleted scenes that were excluded from the DVD release. In addition, the DVD features a twelve-minute outtake section, three minutes of deleted scenesand Universal's Spotlight on Location featurette.
Spotlight on Location is a standard minute-long featurette about the making of the film which includes interviews with the cast members and contains behind-the-scenes footage.
A region 1 "Bonus Edition" was released on December 14, and contains three additional featurettes: Meet the Parents soundtrack The original motion picture soundtrack for Meet the Parents was released on September 26, on the DreamWorks Records record label. Who, Daddy and me? No, Kevin and you. Do we have to know everything about each other's pasts? You never told me about your cat-milking days in Motown.
That was a long time ago, Pam. Yeah, okay, well, so was this. Kevin's and my connection was more physical than anything else.
Like you worked out together? No, no, it was nothing, nothing. It was a stupid sexual thing. I'm gonna go throw up now. I love you Dad, but you could be a real jerk sometimes. He's still not good for Pam! Well who is, Jack? No one has ever been good enough for your Pam. You only warmed up to Kevin after she broke up with him.
Jesus, Dad, you ever think of knocking? Not in my own den. What are you two doing in here? I'd say rounding second base. So, uh, Greg, how's your job? I, uh, I recently got transferred to triage.
Oh, is that better than a nurse? No, Mom, triage is a unit of the E. It's where all the top nurses work. Not many men in your profession, though, are there, Greg?
No, Jack, not traditionally. No, no, I'm just going over some of my answers from the polygraph test your dad gave me. Oh, no, he didn't. Well, did you lie to him? I mean-- Well, he asked me if we were living together, and- Pam: What'd you tell him?
Your mother walked in Is this how you'd react if I told you he shoved bamboo shoots up my fingernails? Or does he hook all your boyfriends up to his little machine? Well, he doesn't need a machine. He's a human lie detector.