How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive
There is nothing that requires more courage than sustaining an intimate relationship. It can be incredibly difficult to reveal your deepest fears and insecurities to. Here are 12 ways fear interferes with love, and why you should kick it to in your life who you are interested in exploring a relationship with. When it comes to relationships, fear is a bit harder to identify. You're not exactly sweating bullets and fearing for your life. You probably don't have such a strong.
I met him and my life, which was on one path, changed directions and started on a different path. I didn't realize it at first, as it was subtle, but within a few weeks, I finally was experiencing what my mother had been talking about.
Stepping Into Your Pain, Learn How to Face Your Fears in a Relationship
I was no longer looking forward into my life and making decisions only based on myself -- I was thinking about someone else's feelings just as much as I was my own. Five months into the relationship and I can say it has been a life changing experience for me.
Most of the past few months has been one positive feeling after another, for which I am very grateful. But one thing that I did not expect to experience was the return of my anxiety and some irrational fears that I had worked so hard to let go of.
A few months into the relationship and I started to feel that same feeling of anxiety creep back in that I felt when I was just a few years old. When a text wasn't returned within a specific amount of time or hours went by where I didn't hear anything, I found myself starting to worry. At first I was able to brush this aside and focus on other things, not letting my fears get the best of me.
But as time went on, and our relationship deepened and expanded, so did my anxiety. I suddenly realized that I had so much invested in this person and in the relationship that I had a lot to lose. Even in previous relationships when I loved someone very much, I never found myself worrying about their well-being. I knew that if God forbid something happened, I would be sad but I would move on and be ok.
But this time, it felt different. And over the past few months what I have learned is though I thought the greatest fear of all time was never getting to experience true love or the life I wanted -- the fear is actually that now that I have experienced it, somehow it will go away. This, for a lack of better words, has taken me completely by surprise.
I have spent so much of the past year of my life reframing everything into something positive and focusing only on positive things and to suddenly feel so full of fear and worry was so confusing. I had never felt so happy and loved in my life -- and at the same so terrified that I would lay awake at night wondering how I could do this.
And I still am -- and every day I learn more and more. The thing is, part of feels like I have been "waiting" to be happy. I have spent so much time in relationships that didn't work and so much time feeling unhappy that to suddenly be faced with everything I have always wanted scared me. Of course I was beyond happy and excited but with that came the realization that I had "found" someone who crossed my Ts and dotted my Is.
I realize how ridiculous it sounds as well as sappy, but it's true. I met someone who was the most perfect soul for me -- from personality to views on life to upbringing, to interests, to physical appearance.
We wanted the same things in life and neither of us was afraid to move forward with it. I felt happy, Deeply, authentically happy and it was as if all those years of unhappiness suddenly melted away and everything in my life matter much more than it ever had.
Suddenly I thought about how my life impacted someone else's and how someone else's life impacted me. And as I was experiencing so much beauty in him and our relationship and the world in general, I also saw how scary it could be to realize that I had no control over anything.
And as much as I didn't and don't want to dwell on the coulds and what ifs of life, I still find it challenging when I suddenly see the value in things that I never even considered anymore. I am living my life next to a man who I would do almost anything for No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow or the day after.
I am learning more valuable lessons in this relationship than I ever have before, and one of them is to be present because there really isn't anywhere else to be. Because when I do take a minute and breathe and bring myself back into the moment, the anxiety leaves my body and I am able to relax into the moment.
It's those times that I open my eyes too wide or look too far down the road that I start to feel my heart racing and thoughts jumping. And for me, someone who is always 14 steps ahead, forcing myself to be in the moment is a true practice of patience as well as discipline. I could go the rest of my life feeling scared and stressed out, or I could look around and realize that everything I have right now, in this moment, is perfect and beautiful.
Is it a move to a new city?
Relationship Tip: Talk About Your Fears - Vibrant Couples & Family Counseling, LLC
Is it some sociological or religious difference? Or is it just the fear of the unknown? Write out the core issue and how you feel about it. Writing will allow you to look at your feelings in a logical way later in the exercise.
How to Overcome Relationship Fears Before They Take Control
Ask yourself these questions: Why is this an issue? Are my thoughts or doubts about the issue coming from fear or from past experiences? Can I live with this issue if it were never resolved? Is my uncertainty coming from a place of comparing and judging to others around me or to my past?
Walk away from your notes and come back to them a few hours later to look at them objectively. Are you approaching the issue from the perspective of fear? If so, consider what you have to lose by rewarding fear: Will you get another chance at this type of love?